Wishful Thinking
by Siren00
Summary: One Shot. Axel wakes up to discover Roxas is leaving, and he wants, so badly for him to stay. Rated T for mild language and suggestive themes. Nothing explicit


_Just a quick one I was working on a few days ago. I rarely ever write (so this is possibly my first fan fiction I've ever finished) but this idea just kind of popped in my head and I had to get it out. Let me know what you think and if I should continue writing._

**Disclaimer:** _As much as I wish I owned these characters I unfortunately do not. _

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With eyes glued to the ceiling his body refused to move from the hot covers that clung to his naked body. Pain was the only thing that he felt. Sharp and numbing pain. Parts of his body that he didn't even know could feel anything ached with the emptiness that filled the room. He was alone, broken and left with the bitter sweet memories of the night before.

"Roxas," He mumbled, hoping for a response but expecting nothing. That name meant more than anything to him, but at that moment sounded distant and detached. He was the only thing that existed between the sheets and mattress. Nothing more, nothing less, but he wanted more, needed more. He needed the blonde boy to lay next to him, to hold him and tell him everything was alright, even though it wasn't. He needed the boy to lay beside him and tell him he would never leave, but he knew that would never happen.

He was the adult, was he not? He should be the strong one, the one who would take control of the situation. But instead Axel laid there soaked in his own perspiration; regretting having expressed his emotions, or cheap imitations of such. He wasn't meant to feel anything, but he did. He wasn't even meant to exist for that matter, but he did. Roxas was the only person who would mean anything to Axel and Axel was stupid enough to admit it. He was stupid and blunt. He threw himself out into the middle of the ocean and prayed he would float. For a while he did. Roxas gave him what he wanted, what he needed; an emotional and physical connection. But at some point last night Roxas withdrew his commitment to Axel, and left him to drown.

"Roxas," Axel pleaded, his voice was dry and cracked. Roxas, he repeated silently over and over again, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas.

"You know I don't want this," a familiar voice mumbled. Axel didn't move he didn't need to see who it was; he already knew. "We can't stay like this forever, we can't bullshit ourselves anymore. You know I can't stay."

Axel choked, words failed him, there was no response. Nothing could be said to change the inevitable. He could feel warmth gathering along his cheek bones and liquid escape from the inner corners of his eyes, which burned as the ceiling became a blurred surface above the watery film which compromised his vision.

"Roxas," Axel whispered, his voice saturated with the same tears that ran down his face, "please don't," He choked again. "Please, don't do this. Don't leave." He kept his eyes locked on the ceiling, he couldn't look anywhere else. Those blue eyes, he could feel them on his face, staring at him. He couldn't say anything else, he was incapable of doing anything anymore.

"Axel. Stop." The blonde muttered. "Just stop." Axel felt movement as Roxas brought himself closer to him. Small fingers traced the path of the tears on Axel's face wiping them away. "Don't make the assumption that you're the only one who's hurting." The damp fingertips grazed across Axel's dry lips and traced his jaw line.

"Look at me." The boy commanded as he took a firm grip on Axel's chin and cranked the resisting head towards him. Axel did as he was told, reluctantly he brought his eyes to meet the boy's. Axel knew what Roxas saw; his emerald eyes exposed him for what he was, what he felt. They showed a broken man, not Axel, someone else; a stranger. Neither of them spoke, Axel knew there was nothing left for him to say.

The boy knew he couldn't say anything to change what had happened and the longer he stared into the man's eyes the more he could feel Axel's pain. Roxas could feel his eyes beginning to burn as he attempted to hold back his emotion. Roxas took the man's hand; tangling their fingers together as he brought his other hand back up to Axel's jaw. Gently caressed the man's cheek with his thumb as the rest of his hand kept a firm grip on the man's face. Roxas closed his eyes and moved his head closer to Axel's, and placed his lips against Axel's.

Axel closed his eyes, and accepted the kiss. He would take anything he could of Roxas. Axel used his free hand to grab the back of the blonde's head, preventing him from pulling away. Axel opened his mouth allowing his tongue to escape between his teeth. He pressed it against the blonde's teeth, begging for permission. Roxas unlocked his jaw, allowing Axel to enter his mouth. Roxas felt the urgency in Axel's kiss, he knew the man wanted more, and he felt the same. He wanted everything, but he knew that he would never be able to have it all. This small portion of Axel didn't seem like it could feed his hunger for ever, it could barely satisfy him in this moment. If only he could find some way for convincing Axel to leave with him, but he knew that Axel would never agree to that. He wouldn't even give it a second thought. Axel would rather see Roxas leave than turn his back on the organization.

Roxas pulled himself from the kiss, and stared deep into the man's emerald eyes. Their fingers untangled as Axel pulled himself upwards and into another kiss, this one wasn't as urgent and it lasted longer. As Axel released from the kiss he pulled the boy on top of him so the boy sat upon his hips.

"Axel," Roxas moaned as Axel's hands began to roam over the boy's body. "I want you to know that if I had the choice I'd stay here with you, and that I love you." The man pulled Roxas forward and forced their mouths together. The boy started to move his hands over Axel's chest, allowing his hands to explore the familiar territory. As the kiss ended Roxas' mouth started its way down the man's neck.

"I love you too Roxas," Axel mumbled, "I always have, and I'll be waiting for you, when you return." He could feel the tears building up once again; as much as he wanted to believe Roxas would come back, he knew it was merely wishful thinking.


End file.
